I’m terrified of having children,

and this is why.

That letter makes me so ANGRY…not that Zeller never spoke up, but that his family allowed things to get that bad for him. He felt himself unworthy of help, unfixable, possibly because his family didn’t care enough. He was such a hurt and broken soul, and while I cannot fault him for taking his own life, I wish he’d sought other options. It’s possible he could have had help for it had he just opened up about the issue instead of burying it deep. Burying things like that just causes them to fester and prevents any possibility for healing.

I’m not afraid of losing someone I created as that possibility exists on a daily basis. I’m afraid of that someone being subjected to molestation, abuse, and the kind of pain that cannot be fixed with a band-aid and a cookie. There’s no way I would be able to be there 24/7 – a child would have to go to school/friends’ houses/the library/elsewhere on a regular basis, and I would have no control over what happens in those locations.

I know that C would like a child, and while I have never wanted children I would be willing to have a child with him…but I’m so very terrified of the risks. It seems like we can’t trust ANYONE with our children.

Parents, how have you dealt with these fears? Have they simply never occurred to you or did you want children so badly you were willing to face those risks without fear?

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5 Responses to I’m terrified of having children,

  1. Jennifer says:

    It's a fear I face each and every day. And one that I am quite intimately aware of. I KNOW the risks. I KNOW the damage.
    I read this letter a few days ago and am haunted by it. I wish he had gotten help. I wish he could have trusted someone. I'm so angry at whoever did this to him.
    How do I deal with the reality as a parent? Daily. And I try to listen. I try to watch for fear in my son. I watch for withdrawal.
    I know all too well that people you should be able to trust can be monsters given the opportunity. I try to tell my son that is true and that when something doesn't seem right, he has permission to remove himself and tell someone else. Even if he was told not to by someone that wishes to harm him.

  2. Laura says:

    I just don't know how you do it…it takes a lot of courage to bring a kid into this world in the first place. That you did despite your experiences and haven't turned your boy into a bubble child speaks volumes.

  3. Jennifer says:

    One day at a time. That's all I can say.

  4. You do worry, but somehow you get through it. I believe in education and the odds–that helps somewhat. My biggest fear has always been, and will continue to be, car accidents.

    I have seen the life of a girl I really love destroyed by molestation–and even more so by her parent's decision to be in denial about it.

  5. Laura says:

    Car accidents don't scare me as much. I don't have any real reason for this…I suppose some of it comes from knowing that by the time the kid's a teenager, we'll be living out in the middle of nowhere. Less traffic means less risk of accidents, right? (Don't answer that…)

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